Stuck

What do you do when you don't know what you want to do with your life?

from Kai Lida on Pinterest

In February my school went on Strike and has been closed since then. If you're a student at a federal university or polytechnic, you probably understand how I feel. This Strike thing has reminded me of how life was during the pandemic. This sense of being stuck. But it's worse because, unlike the pandemic, when we were all stuck together trying to figure out the rhythm of things, a strike means you stay put while the rest of the world lurches forward, and at breakneck speed.

Because we were supposed to graduate this year, my class group chat header reads LAW 22'. It’s become something of a running joke now, though it feels bitter on the tongue if I think about it for too long. I open Twitter and there’s a lot going on. Love Island UK is a mess, Ethereum is back, Elon Musk is shirtless and Funke Akindele is running for Lagos State Deputy Governor. I saw a tweet the other day that said, “I’m tired of living in unprecedented times,” and honestly I could relate so bad. There's not much that could happen today to surprise me. You could tell me that zombies were real and I would believe you. I can’t seem to shake off the feeling that the cosmos is tossing a random bag from which bizarre things are pulled out on a daily basis. Life certainly feels overwhelming.

You probably can relate. And perhaps it’s more overwhelming because you feel stuck. Everything and everyone around you appears to be making moves, but you don't know how to process what's going on, so you stay still; as if caught in the middle of a revolving door. Maybe someone has told you that you lack focus. Or you have heard pastors preach enigmatically about finding purpose, without understanding what that means. I’ve been there too. You’re probably thinking about your life, or just operating on vibes. Either way, there’s no mistaking that the pressure is there. After all, 19-year-olds are running startups and making 13,000 dollars a month. Everyone else is either learning UI/UX or creating content, and you don’t know what to do. Well, that's why I'm writing this, hoping that you'll find something in it that will help you figure things out. 

If you’re feeling stuck, these are a few things that could help: 

1. Learn Yourself.

In Shakespeare’s Hamlet, busybody Polonius is known to have said: To thyself be true. It sounds like a no-brainer: duhh, be true to yourself. Until you realize just how much of life is hyperbolised. If your mom is anything like mine, then she’s made you feel like a superhero. She's probably looked at you in awe because you fixed the internet (nevermind that it only took a few clicks) or boasted to her friends about all the things you can do. Kids these days are so amazing, you’ve heard her say.

But let’s be realistic, you cannot do everything. You are naturally better at some things than others, and these things matter when seeking out a path. Ask yourself the tough questions: Are you really cut out for law? Do you enjoy Engineering? Or are you just vibing? Would you be perfectly okay waking up every morning for the rest of your life and going to the hospital to take care of patients?

Figure out the things that make you excited when you do them, and focus on those things. Personally, I’ve always had a flair for connecting with people. I enjoy storytelling and helping people live better lives in any way I can. When I was younger, I thought I'd make a good lawyer because everyone said I was smart and liked to read. It took some time for me to realize that I was more creatively inclined. Now I'm looking into digital marketing as a possible career path.

If you need help with finding a career path that suits you, Bright Network has a career path test. It might not be completely accurate, but it certainly helped me settle some mental scores. 

2. Position Yourself. 

Once you have a better picture of what you would like to do, put yourself in a position to do it. I know it’s easier said than done, and you probably don’t have the time, support or resources you might need, but I truly believe that where there is a will, there is a way. The digital age has given us the internet. You can learn a lot of stuff online, and improve yourself. You can begin by watching youtube videos on anything you’re interested in, or taking online courses on Coursera, or Udemy. You can also shadow someone in your desired field from a distance. You don’t even need to speak to them. Just see the work of people you admire can be enough to keep the engine running. 

3. Focus on Your own Race. 

Don’t look at everybody else. Face your front and do your work. Yes, there is a wave of people getting into tech right now, and it is highly lucrative with a low barrier of entry, but what if it is not for you? What if you would be happier performing surgeries, or working as a producer? I am a firm believer in the fact that work speaks. So it doesn’t matter what I do, if I do it well enough, build expertise, and connect with people, I will make it in life. You have to believe that there is enough space for someone like you and that just because someone is doing better than you, or started before you, does not mean that you cannot do well as well. Be happy for the success of others as you chart your own path towards success. Good things take time.

4. Be Disciplined. Move.

A mistake we tend to make is waiting till we’re ready, or till we feel like it before we move. This is actually the worst thing you can do to yourself, and I am not exaggerating. I always think about this quote in the Age of Reason, by Jean-Paul Sartre that says:

“I have led a toothless life, he thought. A toothless life. I have never bitten into anything. I was waiting… I was reserving myself for later on- and I have just noticed that my teeth have gone.”

Don’t wait until you feel ready before you move. Oftentimes, waiting is how our mind tricks us to remain comfortable. Change isn’t meant to be comfortable. It’s meant to be scary. That’s the only way you can evolve. 

Something that helps me with discipline is seeing life as a mobile game. You have challenges, you do what you gotta do and move to the next level. If you have to write an article every day, you write it and get out. You don’t wait to see who likes it or who comments, you don’t allow external validation to dampen your mood. You remember that this is for a greater purpose. It is to build expertise. To build stamina. To get better. It’s like working on a muscle. The more you run the better you get at it. The more you write the better of a writer you become.

That’s the magic of it. Stay disciplined, and move.

5.  Try Different things. You still have time. 

It’s okay if you still feel unsure after trying everything above. Before finding marketing, I tried two other fields I thought were good for me: product management and commercial law, and felt silly at my indecisiveness. But it was good that I tried, otherwise I never would have known that those things weren’t for me. The right path will just not fall into your lap; you must experiment with your options to find the best fit. And that's fine. It's okay to not know what you want. It's also okay to want several things at the same time. Multipotentiality is a fancy word for it. This could be you, but you won't know unless you try!

So that’s all I have for this week. I want you to know that I believe in your ministry 100% and I want to see you kill it. Also I wanted to thank you so much for subscribing (if you have) and for telling people about the newsletter, I would very much love to know if you enjoyed it. Or if you have questions. You can leave a comment on substack, or reply the mail! I would love to hear from you.

- 

This week, I’m consuming the following Media:

I’m watching Alchemy of Souls. It is a fantasy-based Korean drama about a boy who ventures to discover his destiny against the odds, and has a maid who moonlights as his master. It’s funny, but a little dramatic. The characters are very lovable, and the world-building is fun. 

I’m reading The Raven Boys, the first book in the Raven Cycle series. I read it as a 15-year-old, and rereading it has made me so happy! It’s about a girl from a psychic home who befriends four boys on a quest to find the Welsh King, Glendower. It is fantasy and young adult, and with it, I confirmed that 15-year-old me had good taste. 

I’m listening to The Marias. It’s an indie pop band that makes music in both English and Spanish. Their vocals are very seductive and sleep-inducing and make me feel like I’m the protagonist of a sad indie film. I really really like their music. My favourite song is Cariño. 

Till next week, Ciao!