Ten Lessons for a Better Life
Things I found in my journals.
If you’ve been following this newsletter, you know what my life is currently like. I’ve been trying to balance studying for my exams which begin in fifteen days, with work. It hasn’t been easy, and I have been doing my best to remain sane. The process of maintaining sanity looks a little like the data-saving mode on social media apps. I don’t know if you remember when Facebook Lite was a thing, and videos wouldn’t load, and you lost access to certain features so that the app could do all the essential things it needed to do with the least amount of data. That’s what my head currently looks like, and it’s found expression in less social media use, outings, and conversations, and more journaling.
Early in life, I discovered that I had so many thoughts, and they needed to find expression in some way, so I started to journal. As nice as it is telling people what you think, they most likely won’t always want to hear it or respond with the energy you seek. It’s normal, they have their own things too. But paper always listens. Paper is pliant, seeking. It will allow you to talk for hours, and provide you with the comfort you need. Journaling has been the best way for me to unload everything I feel and forget about them. It’s therefore a delight when I go through my journals and rediscover lessons I have learned at different points in my life.
In this letter, I will be sharing ten of them with you:
Life is a process of creation, not discovery. Growing up, I was obsessed with the idea of self-discovery and purpose. Being able to do so many things made me worry about whether or not I was on the right path. I felt so much panic, till I learned from Peace Itimi, and other inspiring people that it was more important to just do work you enjoy. As you create, you will find the thing that will spark something in you and provide a sense of alignment. But you can’t do that in a vacuum, you have to create.
The only problem with your life is that you think about it more than you live it.
At the beginning of your career, you have to do a lot of work. You will get to a point where you can coast, but focus on building as much momentum as possible in the early days.
Loving yourself inevitably means making some hard choices, like showing up when you don’t feel like it, setting boundaries in relationships, or reading Tax Law. Self Love can be very painful because your body craves rest always, but you can’t grow like that now, can you?
Prioritize financial wellness over the perception of financial wellness. Living a fake life can only take you so far.
Don’t confuse a bad feeling for a bad life. I tend to catastrophize, allowing my thoughts to spiral when I am in a bad mood. Remembering that while things are hard at the moment, they aren’t always like this, and won’t always be like this, is important.
Nothing has to be an essential part of you unless you decide it is! Don’t allow people to decide who you are or what you’re capable of for you. You can reinvent yourself as many times as possible. (I know it sounds like a catchy IG quote, but it is true).
Consistency > Motivation. Ugh, as much as I hate it, it’s also true. I watched a dear friend of mine, Anoma, radically change her life and get her dream job through the power of routine and consistency. It is a leveller. What talent can’t do, consistency will do and outdo, always.
Don’t be afraid of happiness. Most people believe they can beat fear, and that by thinking and analysing all the different scenarios, all the bad things a person could do or say to them, then they will be prepared for the worst. From experience, I have found that it’s a miserable way to live. You are not cheating your way out of pain, but you are actively pursuing more of it. Allow people to love you, and believe the best of people. If they show you otherwise, then you can rearrange the space they occupy in your life, but until then, it helps to believe the best, first.
Invest in Yourself. Invest in a sellable skill, financial education, and your social capital (network). Invest in your mental health, your skin, and your experiences. Sure, saving money is important, but you also need to grow the capacity to earn more money and live a better life, so focus on that, and your future self will thank you for it.
That’s it for this week’s 20SomethingwithTres. This newsletter has been one of my favourite projects this year and I appreciate you for reading and engaging! From the lessons shared above, which is your favourite? Which don’t you agree with? It’s a safe space, you can let me know. (winks conspicuously)
As always, I’m rooting for you.
Have an amazing weekend, and a wonderful week ahead!
This week, I listened to Obongjayar’s Some Nights I Dream of Doors, on repeat. Masterful album, beautiful man. The track, Message in a Hammer is all the ginger I need to face Law this week. My favourite body of work is still the EP with Sarz, titled: Sweetness, but this was also very good.
I also listened to Glorilla’s song with Cardi-B, Tomorrow 2 on steroids. They killed it!!! Cardi’s verse is fireeeee. The music video makes me smile so much lmao, I found myself watching reactions by black creators to feed off their joy. I love seeing women have a great time.
I read my babe, Simi’s article titled: “When did that One Start: A Research On See-Finish and Its Extensive Consequences.” It made me laugh, but it was filled with so many gems.
I also learned a lot from this Cowrywise article on Building wealth with a 9-5. Currently don’t see entrepreneurship in my vision, so it was nice reading practical ways in which one could create wealth as an employee.
I watched episodes of Ghost Doctor, to destress. The drama don dey stress me small small. It feels like they’re dragging things, but i’ll still be here.
That’s all!
Till next week (hopefully).
Xoxo.
There's so many things you've said here that I love.
First off, I totally agree that consistency can change your life and it's so crazy how when you stick with something long enough, you start to see results.
I've also recently learned that yes, saving is important, but doing things for yourself, investing in yourself is just as important.
Btw, I love message in a hammer too, listening to it gives you the vim you need to live life in this country.
Again, I'm so proud of you and what this newsletter has grown to be. Goodluck with school, I love and miss you! ❤️
The thing with self discovery is the belief that there is a set out path (destiny) for everyone and people believe once they make certain actions or miss certain actions, they could miss it.
Self creation is a much better approach to life because then you know your “destiny” is in your hands and you can create what you want for your self.
Opened my email to check if you had sent a new newsletter and lo and behold, there it was, thank you once again.